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United States of Motherhood

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(Mis) adventures in Parenthood, Little League & moving your family 5,500 miles from London to California.

United States of Motherhood

Laura Bonnell

Yum, the Organic grass fed Paleo BPA free cake was almost ready. Photo credit:

Yum, the Organic grass fed Paleo BPA free cake was almost ready. Photo credit:

Happy Mother's Day to all the Mommas back across in Brit-land! We've unfortunately got a few more weeks to wait over here in the USA. I've asked the American boy if I can celebrate (be lazy) twice, but no dice unfortunately!

Motherhood is quite the adventure. One that you never fully comprehend until you enter into this chaotic perma-knackered existence (or maybe that's just me?!).

Growing and birthing a human being is a pretty amazing accomplishment. To then keep said human alive, entertained and fed on an ongoing daily basis is also to be highly commended in my book. So, to all the Mums/Moms/ Grandmoms and Carers out there, we salute you, and hope you're enjoying a rewarding relaxing day.

I've put together a list of some of the signs I think earned me my 'Momma Stripes'. I've also included some of my favorite (& funniest) war stories from my Mum/Mom gal pals:

1. You realize you buy magazines to just make your coffee table look pretty (don''t think for one second you'll actually be able to crack that thing open and READ it!! Pah ha ha ha!)

2. Your exercise these days involves 2lb bicep curls with an extra shot Venti latte, squat dipping to pick up Lego (that you only put away 5 minutes ago) and downward dogging to retrieve a rogue cheerio under the couch.

3. Putting on make up, and your 'cat-eyes' being symmetrical is #winning. Lippy and un-chipped nails gets extra points, and bestows you the title of 'goddess mother that totally has her shizzniski together'. 

4. You have discovered 10 different ways of using a wet wipe. 

5.  You've never quite managed to finish a whole plate of food in front of your kids without;

A) Having it stolen/ poked/ sneezed on by one of them

B) Having to stop mid meal to wipe someone's bottom. (whhhhyyyy can't bowel movements happen with 15 minutes BEFORE dinner time?)

c) Having one of them climb onto your lap because that is the only place they will be happy, forcing you to attempt to eat on/ over/ around them.

6. You manage to have 5 conversations going at the same time, whilst cooking dinner and sending an email.

7. You can never finish a train of ... what, wait, what was that... oh, yeah...thought!

8. You can survive on 4 hours sleep most days. Military sleep deprivation is a cake walk in comparison to Parenting a 1 month old!

9. You turn up at the supermarket checkout with something already half eaten. (ok, that was ME before parenting)

10. You acquire Ninja-like skills to be able to transport a sleeping toddler from car to bed without waking. (THIS is what they should teach you at Parenting classes!)

And lastly, I think this is my favorite, from my friend Tabitha:

11. You find a Cheerio in your knickers. I've not actually done that one yet, but feel it is only a matter of time!

Happy Mother Day!

Momma Muklet x